What Kind Of Special Bus Rider Are You? Vote!

Thanks to Bex for this one. I am essentially too lazy to email five friends, so instead I'll post here, for my five friends to see for themselves.

Of course my five friends are truly the chorus to which I am preaching as I know y'all are already registered and ready to go, chomping at the bit to cast your ballot. Let's hope it counts.

So Pretty Much The Same Methods Apply For Governing As For Grooming...

They Might Not Have Been Whores Back Then, But...

Jesus H. Does this not seem a little whore-y to you?

I suppose it's slightly redeeming that they waited until after Hillary dropped out to start kissing and telling for a small bills on the internets?

Ladies, where is your self-respect? It's going to take a shitload of one-ninety-niners to buy that back, I gotta say.

Yucky.

Cannot Wait For This (Warning: Nerd Alert).

Oh, oh BSG. Where have you been all my life? What's with the bovine gestation-length hiatus, hmm?

For other fans, here is a normal, relatively milquetoast (yet still thrilling!) Season Four preview, below.



For other fanatics like me, explosive Season Four "Exclusive Preview" (with SPOILERS so if you haven't seen the end of S3 yet, beware) can be seen on this web site.

I am retardedly excited for the season to start, even though I am bummed it will be the last (I did see a headline somewhere that SciFi may be doing some kind of prequel involving life on Caprica or New Caprica? Not sure. Remind me to look up). At any rate, I love this show with the same feverish passion I held for "The West Wing." And that, my friends, is a muthalode'o'love.

Ignore Travolta and his "Hair" - Watch the Rest.

You probably saw this on Sunday. But I think it's worth seeing again. And again. Hence I'm putting it on my blog so I will watch it again. And again. And probably a few more agains after that.



The only thing missing from this, is after Glen speaks, Jon Stewart says something to the effect of "God that guy is so arrogant!" Nyaw, love you Mr. Leibowitz.

My screenwriting professor is IN LOVE with the movie Once. Juno too. Can't get enough. He joked that if Once had been made in Hollywood, they would have lived happily ever after immediately, and it would have been called Forever. (Side note: Read further down in his blog, he's kvelling about three excellent finished scripts. None of those are mine. Here, though, where he's talking about one-on-one emails with the slower of the bunch? Totally me. Sigh.)

It's a great class - very straightforward, very practical, and I love how simple storytelling is when it's all about what happens next. Let the actors detail the emotional layers, let the director "describe" the expressions, the scenery, heighten the drama, let the art director flesh out the pretties and the uglies, alls I gots to do is say who and where, make them say interesting multi-dimensional things, and move it the hell along with some punch. Sweet, dude. So different than fiction. Freeing, and yet informative for all formats, really: Because of this class, I might finally be able to tell an anecdote in proper order, without accidentally blowing all the tension and interesting bits at the beginning. Well worth the exorbitant tuition, I think.

Irony.

Amy Winehouse wins Grammy for "Rehab."

I'm sure you've heard the song, right? With the chorus that goes something along the lines of "They tried to make me go to Rehab, and I said no, no, no."

She's the UK's own Britney of the moment, except instead of an "inbred swamp thing," she's a nice Jewish girl from London with the voice of a soulful black lady, a WASPy eating disorder and a ghetto-worthy drug problem to boot. And the reason she couldn't attend the Grammy's in person was in part because she was denied the Visa she applied for FROM REHAB.

Art, life, life, art. Bravo, to both of you. No no, take a bow.

Why the internets are weird (and why you should therefor watch "Eli Stone").

A long time ago, in a lifetime that seems very very far away, I lived in Berkeley and had a job that basically entailed writing emails back and forth to friends all day in between surfing and reading all the new exciting "content" on the "world wide web." So fresh, so weird, so prolific, all those tech savvy folks who got themselves up on the net before it was fashionable (or profitable) to do so.

One early net writer was Pamela Ribon, of Pamie.com (formerly Squishy). I read her Squishy site pretty steadily until I left my job to go shack up with Joosh, losing all my at-work bookmarks and forgetting all about places like Squishy and Disgruntled Housewife and the Gallery of Regrettable Foods.

I rediscovered Pamie's site in 2005 and was entertained anew. She's written two books, "Why Girls Are Weird" (which I have not yet read) and "Why Moms Are Weird" (which I have, and quite enjoyed). She's also a head writer on the Christina Applegate vehicle show "Samantha Who?" (which, actually, is quite enjoyable as well). Well, she was a head writer until all these strike shenanigans shut down production.

{Excuse me a moment while I have a mini diatribe about the strike: As much as I'd like for the writers to win against the greedy bastages, be compensated fairly for their efforts with a piece of all the rewards that Web 2-point-frickin-Oh may potentially reap, and for the families of all the folks that provide support services to Hollywood to put back to work and be able to afford living in LA once again, I sort of secretly wish it would continue for many more months. I think that the only way America is going to wake up and get pissed at what is going on in the White House, in Iraq, in the future, in the climate, in the back pockets of government and corporations, etc, is if they are unplugged from the boob tube. Really, part of the reason this election cycle is so intense, I think - besides the fact that it's crazy historic, obviously - is because people are paying actual attention this time, being so bored of Reality TV and all. My theory is that if the strike were to continue through the Fall (no new shows until 2009 at the earliest), Bush and Cheney would be impeached. No, I'm serious, think about it. There would be enough people paying attention, supporting congressional efforts to file the articles, feeding on that sense of drama and tension in the story arc - it would absolutely captivate a narrative-hungry audience who just might be all the more interested by any connections they managed to make to their own lives, pocketbooks, futures, etc... Okay, ending the (not-mini) diatribe, have another episode of "Lost" to catch up on.}

Anyway, so Pamie of Pamie.com used to write for Television Without Pity (which was bought by Bravo/NBC, so insert sell-out joke here), where she apparently met and befriended this lovely lady, Anna Beth Chao from Hashai.com.
AB, as she is known, is hilarious. She has, of late, been using her Flikr account to update her adoring public, instead of her blog. I guess she's over it, the blogging. (On the plus side, her photos are perfect and her home decor is absurdly lust-inducing*).

One day, AB (who lives and works somewhere in the south, maybe Louisiana?) announced this bit of craziness on her flickr/blog: She was hired by someone (Greg Berlanti) whose show she used to recap (and mock) on TWOP to be a writer on his new show, "Eli Stone". What? That happens? REALLY???? Apparently, yes. I periodically checked up on her site and Pamie's to see what was happening at what they coined to be "TV Camp." There was no shortage of drool nor envy on my part whilst reading said updates.

As much as I read about the process, the road to the show, etc, I didn't read much about the program itself, so I didn't really know what to expect. All that managed to stick in my increasingly absent-minded head was the fact that Brit Johnny Lee Miller (the former Mr. Angelina Jolie, also known as Sickboy to anyone in high school or college in the mid-Nineties) was playing an American lawyer in SF. And since the strike began, I hadn't heard anything about it - I thought maybe it had already aired and been shelved.

No no, I was wrong. With the heralded return of "Lost" (Michael is the man Ben has on the freighter, and also the man in the coffin, bet you cash money), in sweeps Eli, which IMDB sums up thusly: " A legal drama centered on a lawyer (Miller) who begins to think he might be a prophet". This summation made me skeptical, but was intriguing enough when coupled with the whole behind-the-scenes-internet-stalking thing I'd been doing to make me want to tune in. So tune in I did.

I was totally unprepared for the hook, people. If you watch TV, you've probably seen the second week ads that blow the punchline of the first 10 minutes of the first show, but if you haven't, I totally don't want to ruin it for you. Let me just say that as the organ music rises in the beginning, and as Eli (and you, the viewer) finally puts it together what the song is, never in a million years did I expect that they, the writers/producers/whatever would a) pull, and b) get away with so well, such a stunt. I couldn't stop laughing: at Johnny's face (and white boy dancing in his underwear before going into the living room), at the scenario, at my own delight for being tricked by a TV show that lulled me into such a false sense of smugness thinking I totally had the show's number before it even started... terrific. Well done. Bravo, Berlanti, Bravo AB (and all the other nameless faceless writers whose flickr blogs I do not read).

I realize my track record for show recommending isn't stellar in this blog environment ("Chuck" disappointed me by episode two, but I was too forlorn to admit it here... I will say that I was reinvigorated in episode three or four, when Bob Ross from the PBS painting show got a chuckle-worthy shout-out, but I haven't watched any other episodes since. I hope I didn't steer you too terribly wrong. At least the actor who plays Chuck is adorable, right?). Regardless of my possibly questionable taste, episode one of "Eli Stone" is totally worth checking out. Those of you who loved "Alias" (you know who you are) will be pleased to note that Victor Garber appears prominently, as does Loretta Devine (every show is better with a sassy black friend or a snarky secretary, right, so her character is a double whammy).

Watch it. See if you are as tickled as I was. If so, you can thank the strange interwoven tubular tendrils of the internets for the fact that I even knew about it enough to watch, and thus pass it along to you. If not, well, whatever, sorry. What else would you be watching right now anyway, huh?

*I was inspired by AB's bookshelves and finally got around to organizing mine about a year after we'd moved in - maybe more than a year, actually. And Bex, sharp gal that she is, totally noticed that my books were organized by genre and color. I was simultaneously impressed with her and embarrassed for myself.

Whats I Beens Doin?

Since December, when last I typed a peep*, this is what I've been up to (in general order of life appearance):

1) Heard this on the radio and cried for an hour in my car.

2) As a form of recovery from the above song-listening and crying, spent WAY too much time on this site, laughing hardest over the following in particular: Bacon, Emo (because it reminds me of a certain singing friend from the nineties), Balloon, and Devil Cat. I must admit that I am not laughing nearly as hard now as I was in December when looking at these initially, but Bacon still gets me every time. Also, someone told me that the bible is being translated into this language, the LOLCATS speak, so to speak. I didn't believe them. I was wrong.

3) Missed family at the holidays, but enjoyed a nice quiet time here in Portland. Kicked it with the Watsons. It was cool. Literally:



4) Tried to keep Christmas shenanigans to a minimum, and almost managed to succeed, until Joosh went out and spoiled the bejesus out of me with this:

(It's a giant Timbuk2 bag, the size and beautiful colors of which you likely are not able to discern from this hideous photo. It is big enough for all my schoolbooks, a laptop and most of my torso and shoulders, should I ever need to haul those around in a satchel).

And this:

(A keen-eyed rememberer of clothing named Jojo might be able to place the fabric from the quilt patch on the sewing machine. The flowery stuff. It was a hippie skirt. There may have been two tinkly bells on the tie at the waist, which I am not willing to admit to just now. It was a senior year thrift store find. I loved it long time. The black stuff is from a silk robe purchased in Chinatown, in college. Good times.)

So, me, I was very much spoiled. And I, in turn, got him a box full of foreign beers and a hand-made Shop Class metal arts type project craftily using wedding favor candy tins and rolls of self-adhesive cut-out magnet material (please. don't. ask). And pajamas, whoopee. So someone needs to get a real job and give someone else a nice Christmas in July, or something redeeming like that. Yeah.

5) Received several lovely items from AC, to whom I have still not sent my thank you note. Three items were for Joosh, and I have taken over all but one.

6) Started seeing an Acupuncturist, to discover that I suffer from "Dampness." Ooookay, then. At least it's not called "Moistness" since, as some of you know, I despise that word (yes, even when describing cake). Actually, the treatments, herbs and diet adjustments have been pretty miracle-working. I'm okay with not eating sugar (most of the time) but the bread, booze and fried stuff was not so easy to give up. When I partake of the above, however, I am So. Pissed. afterward. My traitorous belly punishes me severely, and I re-learn the lesson anew every time. Goddammit.

***Updated to say that Chinese Medicine is good for people and puppies, too. (Warning to women of childbearing age: clicking this link may cause spontaneous ovulation and/or immaculate conception from the cuteness of the wee child leading the post. The cheeks, holy, god, the CHEEKS. And the eyes. And the faces. And and and... Obviously I am completely smitten). But back to the canine family member in the Lalaland household: Best wishes for a speedy recovery to Lulu the super dog.***

7) Spent lots of time with these folks:


8) Had some excellent times (chats, fun, laughs, near-peeing-self-on-couch-misses, meals and entire host of other things we miss by living far apart from each other) with this gal.

9) Enrolled in two writing classes at this school. Began writing A LOT.

10) Waited impatiently for this little lady to arrive:


11) Attempted to try out for this but was foiled at the pre-tryout clinic by my Britney Spears Sketcher Skates (Damn you, Britney! Why you gotta put a weenie back stopper on your stupid skates?) and when offered a pair of replacements from a Breakneck Bettie (which smelled really bad, but were otherwise awesome - the skates, not the Bettie), I totally bailed out waiting for the second run of a sprint thing that involved running five steps on the toestops (front ones, BritBrit, duh) then full tilt boogie skating supa fast, then spinning and stopping short, again on the toe stops. Notice my words here: I bailed WAITING for the second run. I kicked ass on the first run. Then, while waiting in line for the second run, I totally toppled over just standing there, not even moving. Bottom line, I totally f'ed up my ankle on the Saturday before try-outs and was hobbling around like a dweeb with an ace bandage for days.

12) Was delighted by aforementioned ankle troubles when forced to miss out on actual trials, as I watched from the stands and subsequently understood them to involve thirty laps of fast skating BEFORE any of the timed trials, relays, etc. Had I not been hobbled, I would have killed at this, and then died, and then returned home after 3 hours completely deadxhausted, only to shower and turn around to head to the Watsons for Sarah's birth march. Okay, not a march, but it was in no way a fast experience. And there was some slow walking, almost a march, maybe sorta kinda a little. I kid: It was amazing. And I would have been suffering terribly and in no way able to provide any kind of support to Mama and Papa had I just been beaten down by all the bashing babes on blades. Er, skates.

13) Experienced the miracle of all miracles with Ms. Watson's birth. I swear I am STILL high from the whole thing. Jess was amazing, Mark was terrific, the baby is perfect. The entire event was totally mind-blowingly insane and scary and miraculous and great.

14) Continued to write lots more. Including a "please excuse my absence from class" paper about the fact that I was away giving birth. I'm sure that sounds bizarre, but we have to write these one page make-up papers about why we missed class, and they can't be true. So I borrowed heavily from what I had been witnessing whilst having to miss said class. My classmates responded well to the piece, though one gal felt the need to tell us all about how one thing "they" never tell you is that there is lots of poop involved in birth. (There was not in this birth, let me just clear that up right now). I told her, and thus the class full of people, that I had a lovely book, The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth (from the 90's, written by music producer Jimmy Iovine's sarcastic and not entirely unmean wife) which did indeed warn us all about the poop possibilities. The men in the room, with the exception of the one who wrote a fantastic "Dear John" letter to his masculinity** (I love him), were not super excited about our side conversation.

15) Decided to apply to this program at the above mentioned school (in spite of the fecal related feedback of my potential peers).

16) Did so, with the procurement of some very lovely last minute letters of recommendation and the crazy scramble to write/edit 30+ pages of material for submission (and an unquantifiable amount of constant patient support from my man - he's a saint or a masochist, I haven't decided). I don't know what he's doing in this photo.

So, yeah. Turned in app on 2/1/08.

Started to wait.

Am still waiting.

Will continue to wait.

17) Due to above decision, chose to skip a lovely Bay Area visit with the Davis girls in order to make a dent in the 30 pages, but did get to see this gal again briefly, which is always good.

18) Took this harder than I would have expected.

19) Fell suddenly and pretty hard for this guy. And this only added fuel to the fire (of my political support AND my wretched crush on young ScarJo, because I am a dirty old lady).

20) Got excited that my kid brother got himself a job (and tried not to think about the fact that he's starting at $4 an hour MORE than I was making as an emotional toilet bowl at my last job - not including commissions and non-existant bonuses, of course, BUT STILL). Congrats, moneybags.

And now, internets, I think we are relatively up to date. I have lots more to tell you about terribly unimportant things, but this will have to do for now.

Good luck to Grandma and her eye surgery tomorrow morning.

Happy Ash Wednesday to the rest of you. No sinning for 40 days (right? isn't that how it works?). Can you deal? No? Then come on over here and sit by me.

*The unforeseen stoppage in writage was due to the information that my mother has been alerted to this portal in the blogosphere by one or more of my careless brothers who left it in the browser of her computer "by mistake". Dork(s). It wasn't some big secret, just nothing I had planned to advertise until there was a delicious pile of baby or something equally splendid to advertise on these pages. Until then, I'd hoped not to think too much about the audience (future job offer prospects and the egos of people I still care about in life not withstanding). Oh well. Hi, Mom. Hope you got over that nasty flu by now.

**Oh my God, this guy is so funny. His piece was a total break up letter, to his masculinity, with the whole "it's not you, it's me" and "I hope we can still be friends" and it ended with "You know you're still my favorite to fart and shotgun beers with." So totally great. Unfortunately, as I was trying to give some feedback about the format, I said something to the effect of liking the whole "It's not me, it's you" bit, and how we could all relate to that and suddenly the class started laughing. It took me a minute to realize what I'd said. I started to correct myself, but then decided that, no, my slip was actually more apropos to any of my possible Dear Johns or many other interpersonal troubles: It's not me, it's you.

Unavoidable, Really.

It had to happen eventually, don't you think? After this and this, we've finally come to this:

Sutherland Sentenced to 48 Days in Private Jail

Kiefer Sutherland has been handed an early Christmas gift - a Los Angeles judge has agreed to let the actor serve jail time at a private prison. Sutherland feared he'd be spending Christmas behind bars at the notorious Twin Towers facility after he was sentenced to spend 48 days in jail for drink driving. But the 24 star learned he'll be required to serve his time at the Glendale City Jail on Wednesday. Sutherland, who wore a black suit and tie for his court appearance, must complete his sentence by March 30. The actor pleaded no contest to DUI on October 9. Judge Stuart M. Rice also sentenced Sutherland to five years probation, and insisted the star must complete an 18-month alcohol education program and attend weekly therapy sessions for six months. As WENN went to press, Sutherland was being "processed" and booked into the Glendale City Jail. (imdb.com)

I guess the only thing I can say is that Kiefer is damn lucky that his show is already in hiatus due to the writer's strike, because I expect that Fox would be in a position to demand a punitive shitload of his Gin money (or Scotch, from what I understand) if he were responsible for their millions-on-millions of dollars hit show (really? still a hit? huh) being held up, back or sideways while he sits, shaking from withdrawals, in the pokey.

On the plus side: private prison, maybe a private cell? Perhaps our hero won't have to worry about protecting his anus while hunched over in the fetal position, suffering the aforementioned shakes!