Scurvy fighting melons.

Accompanying Joosh to the market just now - beer run, Brah! - I was overwhelmed with the urge for citrus. Not just any citrus, but red grapefruit. Which is weird because the only time I ever eat grapefruit is in the winter when we eat at this sweet homey cafe at the Oregon College of Arts and Crafts that serves little slices of lemon, zucchini and carrot bread with 1/2 of a pink or red grapefruit sprinkled with chopped candied ginger. Outrageously delicious, but really not often on my radar. Rather than panic that I must surely have scurvy, I decided to treat the craving as related to a healthy sublimation of my former sweet tooth (er.... current sweet tooth, usually beaten into submission with a variety of strong arm tactics). So indulge the non-sweet sweet need, I would.

(Now that I think about it, I seem to recall that my sudden urge was inspired by staring at a bottle of Ocean Spray Ruby Red Grapefruit juice that looked AMAZING. In which case I was probably craving a Greyhound, but vodka is basically another form of sugar or at least on the not-so-healthful list, so too bad, Inner Lush, go twiddle your thumbs with Mr. Demonic Sweet Tooth over there in the corner or I'll be forced to pummel you).

I love to peruse the amazing produce section of my favorite spendy market, New Seasons. So much to see, smell, fondle inappropriately. In my quest for grapefruit, I happened upon several strange looking fruits that seemed to insinuate themselves as grapefruit-equivalent. One was extremely ugly. Indeed, it is called "Ugly Fruit" and with a name like that, how could I not take the large and unlovely fruit - the red-headed stepchild, if you will - home with me? But the Texas Red grapefruit called out to me as well. And I was scared that the unsightly citrus would taste of it's name, so as a precaution, I selected a star from the Lone State pile, too. It smelled fabulous. And of course, as I tried to walk away, my salivating palette made me pick up a gigantic sunshiney orb called a Melogold. It was too beautiful not to take home (I hoped it would play nicely with poor Ugly, and not increase its already sure-to-be intense inferiority complex). Excellent: A grapefruitish taste-off for one*, coming right up.

So I just ate the Ugly Fruit, and I am astounded at how delicious and sweet and weird it was. Like an orange, a non-sour grapefruit, and maybe some Naked Tangerine Juice flavored juiciness to it. Fantastic. I sliced it in half, and did the whole sectioning between the membranes thing (wow, that sounds gross, i never realized). And you know, it totally hit the craving. So much so that I can't really imagine cracking open the others. I suppose in a taste test one should really try all samples at once for comparison, but I just chowed down on that single luscious and unattractive globe. I am a happy, sated, non-borderline scurvy diagnosis girl.

Of course the best part of the citrus adventure was standing at the check out, with two large bottles of beer, and three SUPER large citrus fruits on the conveyor belt. We step up to the checker, who is cute as a button and maybe 23 or 24, fresh-faced as all get out, and he exclaims "WOW!! Look at the size of those melons!"

Which is not something a girl hears every day, right? Especially in reference to, essentially, three grapefruits, but nevermind.

I wish you could have seen the look on Joosh's face. It took a second for him to realize the kid was speaking about the actual fruit in front of us, rather than being inappropriately cheeky.

I looked at the checker and at Joosh (simmer down, honey!) and said "Well, that's not something a gal hears every day." Checker Dude looked confused - for a beat and a half. Then, with a large globe in his hand, he turned about as red as the inside of the grapefruit.

Ahhh, kids these days.

*Joosh doesn't go gaga for citrus things like I do. He's a little bit sensitive to the acidity, I think. Not as bad Teabagger and his super weird "Geographic Tongue" (vile!) but somewhere earlier on the road to such a thing from Joosh's description. Since I have to kiss that mouth, I don't force feed the acids, you know?